Sunday, October 7, 2012

Swimming in the wrong sea

The saying goes “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. I think I’m swimming in the wrong sea, guys.

All the dudes I’m conversing with on this online dating site seem normal enough for roughly five minutes. Then out comes the “Do you want me to come over” comments. Come over? Like to my house?! We’ve been chatting/emailing for 15 minutes!!

When I say things like “Ummmm… I don’t think I want to meet you in my living room…”, they get all snippety and don’t want to talk to me anymore. Good. I didn’t want to talk to you either. And not just anymore, if you get my drift.

Then there was the guy that wanted to video chat with me. Within two minutes, he told me he was horny and then pulled out his hard dick. My exact words “I can see that”. Disconnect.

Then there was the guy that I actually met. You might recall that I said he was either sweet, or needy. I was right. When I was on my way to meet him, I got a text from him telling me where he was sitting in the pub. About 15 minutes early. I thought maybe his bus was early. Or perhaps he was just eager.

I tell him I’m a few minutes away (like 15, but whatever) and he responds by telling me that he’s working on his soup because he couldn’t wait for me. Huh. Maybe he’s really hungry.

So I show up and he wants a hug. I give him the one-armed-nice-to-meet-you hug. He gives me a full two-armer and then tells me I smell good.

Headshot

The waitress comes for my drink order and says she’ll give me a few minutes with the menu. I had never eaten at this pub before, and it’s his favourite place, so I ask him what’s good. He tells me the lamb burger is good.

thatwhitegirls - internet dating - what else

thatwhitegirls - internet dating - lamb good

Headshot

I see.

I peruse the menu; the waitress comes back and asks if I’m ready to order. I wasn’t so she said she’d give me a few more minutes. It took her like 20 minutes to get back. I’d wished I’d ordered something the first time. Not because I was so hungry. And not because I was annoyed at her taking so long to come back. But because those 20 minutes could have been used to prepare my food and I’d be 20 minutes closer to ending this date.

My date asked me if I had made a decision on food. I told him I was going to have the chili. He said “You come to a place like this and you’re going to eat the chili??”. All I said was “I like chili”. Yeah… The dude that comes here every week and has only had one thing on the menu is judging me on my menu choice.

Then he wants to hold my hand. Suddenly, I’m a hand-talker. He wants me to come sit beside him. I tell him I’m happy where I am. He asked me about eight times in a two hour period if I was having fun. It was almost the longest two hours of my life, but how do you say that without hurting someone’s feelings. So I was polite (read: I lied).

I asked him what his plans were for the rest of the day. He said that I was his plan. He asked me the same question, I told him I needed to go home and do laundry.

thatwhitegirls - internet dating - day together

thatwhitegirls - internet dating - bad date

He actually sulked when he realized the date was ending. Like pursed-lower-lip-avoid-eye-contact-crossed-arms kind of sulk.

thatwhitegirls - internet dating - bad date - gotta go

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg; I don’t think I fully portrayed the painfulness of this date. I think I’m quitting again. I’d rather die alone (well, not alone, I’ll get a shit-tonne of cats) than endure this much longer. (It’s been 10 days, but who’s counting?)

13 comments:

  1. Sounds like you'll have another stalker on your hand.

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  2. Ugh. That is exactly why I don't want to sign up for online dating, even though everyone keeps telling me I should! I just want to meet someone in my everyday life. That's not too much to ask, right?!

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  3. So....DID you have fun?

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  4. At least the date gave you blog fodder? No? Not an consolation? Rats.
    Please lay off the cats until you're at least, what, late 60's? That's reasonable.

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  5. I thought the stereotype was that only girls were that needy. Not guys. I'm surprised he didn't have you drive him home and tuck him into bed with his binkie.

    Also, I'm astounded how many people on dating sites don't understand the concept of 'let's talk to each other and feel each other out a little first.' Then, you know, meet for coffee or something. Not, 'I typed out 3 sentences to you. Come over and spend the day at my apartment, alone, because rape/murder isn't even in the corner of my brain.'

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  6. i have a good friend who met his now-wife on POF or maybe it was Match.com. Anyway, they've been married for a few years now, so the sites do offer possibility, but you're going to meet 15 freaks to every decent person. Just play it safe and don't let their insecurities get to you and you will meet some nice people. Maybe not future husbands, but then again, maybe so. When planning to meet someone, let them know you have X amount of time before such-and-such will make you have to leave, so there is no "all day" or "back to my place" expectations.

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  7. I. Love. This. I mean, I'm really sorry for you, but enjoying every minute.

    PS My dad had a rule that when the waitress came we HAD to be ready with our order because he was sure we'd never see her again.

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  8. i think dating escapades should be a regular feature in this blog. dont have to name names but details on events would be awesome!!!!

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  9. DoubleF - sure fricken does, doesn't it?

    Pickleope - actually... it isn't half bad. I'll hold off on the cats.

    Beer - Laughed at the tuck him in with his binkie bit. Nicely done!

    Anon1 - people with insecurities? Isn't that like 99% of the population?

    Jill - glad you're enjoying it. Makes it slightly more worth the annoyance of it all! :)

    Anon2 - you ask and you shall receive. Buuuuttt.... what if I go on a date and it's totally normal and nothing weird happens... do you still want to read about it?? :)

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  10. you are more of a dog person than a cat person! yes all dates should be recorded here!!!

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  11. Dave - it's true... and I'll try! :)

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  12. Gorm - it took me days, but I found it....... I did NOT have fun!!!!

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  13. Days?! More like months! I made my comment in October!

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