So... What HAS been happening?!

This feels a bit like when you run into an old friend, or schoolmate or coworker. They say “Hey! Long time no see. What's new?”. And you try and think back to the last time you saw them and try and come up with a concise summary of important events.

Then your brain is overstimulated and they're standing there staring at you. So you say the first thing that pops in your mind.

And upon leaving the awkward social interaction, your brain actually starts functioning and you come up with a laundry list of things that are new.

Luckily, I don't have anyone staring me in the face looking for an answer, so I have all the time in the world to spell it out. In detail. Well, moderate detail. I don't need to bore whoever might be reading this from the get-go.

You're welcome.

I think the last time I posted was shortly after my boyfriend moved in... So... what has been happening??

I bought an apartment – my first giant debt. It made me quite nervous. Terrified, really. Truth be told, I vomited a lot during the purchase process.

It's actually a very small debt compared to other peoples' mortgages. I once had someone say “THAT'S not a mortgage”. The way it was said seemed like it was meant to be a dig. A financial version of “mine's bigger”. But in the worst possible way. It's not an RRSP. It's debt. You don't WANT it to be big. Right? Just me? Okay, so anyway!

We got a dog! It took a year after moving into the apartment (no restrictions on height, weight or breed) for it to finally happen. I spent so much time and energy scouring rescue agencies looking for the right dog. My boyfriend was fucking Goldilocks about it.

It got to the point where I was like “if you don't stop poo-pooing EVERY dog I show you, I will make the decision myself”. He didn't much like that. But... then his brother went on vacation and left his dog with us. An 80 lb lab/pittie cross. And the biggest cream puff, lazy dog you ever met. He was so happy to have her with us – he kept saying "Wow - this isn't so hard". Meanwhile I bit my tongue "yeah... sure... all dogs are THIS easy!".

By the end of that week, when he would leave for work on a Saturday morning, I'd hear “Bye – I love you”. And when I looked up. He was looking down. At the dog.

A week later we had Whiskey on a one-week trial. She's great. She's crazy. But I think she warrants her own post.

Holy Crap - it has been a long time!!

I've written and rewritten about a dozen posts (maybe more, but not that many more) since my last post. 

Obviously COVID has not helped the situation, but as evidenced by 6 years of absenteeism, this extends far beyond COVID. 

I've been, in a word, lazy. Reality is, I've spent the last way-too-long simply consuming media and not being creative. In nearly every way. 

I haven't been playing guitar much. I haven't been writing (as you can see). I haven't been recording new music. Or, really even, learning new songs. Stupid cartoon drawings are now back to kindergarten level, instead of the... grade 3 (?!) they were at before. I don't even have the right computer for recording. Turns out my equipment is out of date. My 60 year old neighbour has a new mixer that records right in the unit. He doesn't need the right cable, input jack, etc... My 60 year old neighbour is more with-it recording-wise than I am. AND I USED TO LOVE IT!!

I'm in a rut. 

Is that what comes from being in a relationship for 7 years? Probably (hopefully!!) not for everyone, but someone once said to me, the Wise Woman, "you can't have two sitters in a relationship". I was pretty sure I was a sitter. Turns out, I'm the ambitious one. How scary is that? 

Try as I might to rally the troop (singular), these days, I largely don't have the energy for it. It's too hard. There is too much going on. 

I would like to think that I'll figure some shit out and reignite the creativity fire I once had. 

I bought a new laptop, which is a 2 in 1, so no drawing tablet required. It might make it easier. 

Or this might be another one-off and you won't see another post for 6 years. Or ever. 

Feeling pretty dejected. COVID hasn't helped my mindset. I had my brother over for dinner for the first time in... 2 years?! I've seen him for various reasons, including socially distanced gift-giving (Christmas, birthdays). But haven't really spent any time with him. 

I saw my dad for the first time in 9 months. 

Being social and being active (outside of the usual dog walks etc) is trying. I, like everyone, am having a hard time. COVID hasn't helped. It only helped solidify a feeling that was already lurking under the surface. 

I'm going to post this. And regret it. But I'm hoping this spurs me to do something. More than sit.