Holy Crap - it has been a long time!!

I've written and rewritten about a dozen posts (maybe more, but not that many more) since my last post. 

Obviously COVID has not helped the situation, but as evidenced by 6 years of absenteeism, this extends far beyond COVID. 

I've been, in a word, lazy. Reality is, I've spent the last way-too-long simply consuming media and not being creative. In nearly every way. 

I haven't been playing guitar much. I haven't been writing (as you can see). I haven't been recording new music. Or, really even, learning new songs. Stupid cartoon drawings are now back to kindergarten level, instead of the... grade 3 (?!) they were at before. I don't even have the right computer for recording. Turns out my equipment is out of date. My 60 year old neighbour has a new mixer that records right in the unit. He doesn't need the right cable, input jack, etc... My 60 year old neighbour is more with-it recording-wise than I am. AND I USED TO LOVE IT!!

I'm in a rut. 

Is that what comes from being in a relationship for 7 years? Probably (hopefully!!) not for everyone, but someone once said to me, the Wise Woman, "you can't have two sitters in a relationship". I was pretty sure I was a sitter. Turns out, I'm the ambitious one. How scary is that? 

Try as I might to rally the troop (singular), these days, I largely don't have the energy for it. It's too hard. There is too much going on. 

I would like to think that I'll figure some shit out and reignite the creativity fire I once had. 

I bought a new laptop, which is a 2 in 1, so no drawing tablet required. It might make it easier. 

Or this might be another one-off and you won't see another post for 6 years. Or ever. 

Feeling pretty dejected. COVID hasn't helped my mindset. I had my brother over for dinner for the first time in... 2 years?! I've seen him for various reasons, including socially distanced gift-giving (Christmas, birthdays). But haven't really spent any time with him. 

I saw my dad for the first time in 9 months. 

Being social and being active (outside of the usual dog walks etc) is trying. I, like everyone, am having a hard time. COVID hasn't helped. It only helped solidify a feeling that was already lurking under the surface. 

I'm going to post this. And regret it. But I'm hoping this spurs me to do something. More than sit.