Something Ramdon....

So I haven't posted in awhile and it's purely because... ... well... I've been busy. I finished school and now I have all this free time and as a result I don't get anything done because I have no deadlines.

That's not entirely true... I have been working on my story, but as it turns out, it's much more difficult to invent a story than it is to tell one.

You see, when I tell a story it's like a little movie playing in my head showing what exactly happened; in person, I really try to portray the movie through words, dialogues, actions and gesticulations. I try and get the same point across when I'm writing, but for some reason I find it easier to write about real-life rather than the make-believe stuff.

Case and point

I have "an associate"... you may know her as EliseArt... She puts up with a lot of crap from me... I see her at work, or send her an email, and say things like: "Pics I want... Me, panicked, dropping something (black box), looking up (over?) and looking sad/distraught... mouth KINDA like the "Really Ugly" pic, but less drool and less saggy eye and more eyebrow!"

And somehow she manages to get it perfect.

When I first started blogging, I'd write the post, I'd think of pictures I wanted and then I'd go to her with the list of pictures (descriptions as above, or worse). Despite that, she would produce amazing artwork. Then we decided that it might be better if she knew what the post was about before she started drawing ... (for some reason my descriptions weren't good enough... weird...).

From then on, I'd send her my posts (in advance) with notes throughout it saying "Pic here" or a further description such as: "Me: Mopey... I think you probably have a good idea of how I look mopey... head sagging, shoulder slumping, sad face..."

And... BAM!!!!

Perfect picture everytime!!!

So anyways....

I've been working on my story and I sent it to Elise, with absolutely no direction whatsoever, except "Please read. And consider pictures. I don't really have any ideas. I'm sorry! :) See you in the car, Heather"

And of course, she sent me some awesome pictures... but I thought, it needs to be more funny... (not her pictures... my story). I tried to think up some other ideas. And I did. So I sent them to her today. But then I realized that she's leaving for a month in less than a week and then I'm on my own (and realistically, before then, because she's leaving for a month in less than a week).... Oh No... On Own.... On Own....

So I've decided that I have to brush up on my paint skills and attempt drawing for myself or else I'll have a month's worth of people coming up to me and saying things like "You know.... it's been two weeks since you posted anything...."

And I can't have that.

Stay tuned for some really bad paint drawings ...

That's the best I can do.... Elise... Come back soon! :)

Big thanks to EliseArt for providing the good illustrations.

P.S. Enjoy your vacation! :P

Fish: They're basically swimming carrots

There once was a scientist who decided it would be a good idea to cut a gene out of one organism and splice it into the DNA of another. This is now known as genetically modifying, genetically engineering or sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong.

Regardless, this technology is being used in an attempt to create an organism that is far superior than it's natural-born counterparts. These superior beings include:

• pigs that have omega-3 fatty acids (instead of that pesky pork fat Emeril was always ranting about)

• rice with high beta-carotene content (when going orange from eating too many carrots isn't enough)


• corn that contains it's own pesticides (because spraying pesticides is just gross) and....

• 
  
  tomatoes that go ripe without going mushy... ... (you gotta admit, no one likes a mushy tomato)

The development of these superior foods has always been conducted in a lab under controlled conditions (and please note, nothing uncontrolled has ever occurred in a lab). However, since the dawn of the higher corn, scientists have worried about the corn "getting out" and making it's way into the world where it will run into other, less pest-resistant corn. Nothing good can come of this. Which is why scientists have kept the corn in special isolation crops and limited their TV and internet time so they never laid eyes on, or had any knowledge of, this lesser corn.

This tactic has worked for 20 years, the corn never the wiser. Until now....

To be continued...

Ramdon Thought

So I was sitting in class today and the teacher is explaining how the environment and culture that we grow up in can influence the kind of people we grow up to be.

His examples:

If you grew up in a church-going home you are more likely to go to church, think stealing is bad, think lying is bad etc.

Whereas if you're raised by a family of thieves, you are more likely to grow up and steal.

In other words, you are likely to grow up and become like the type of people that raised you.

My immediate thought...

"I was raised by assholes"

Revenge is best served with asparagus. It also makes your pee taste funny.

I mentioned a couple posts ago that I have four readers that I know of... I could probably think of a fifth, but I don't know if he actually reads my blog, so I like to say four, just to be safe. In either case, I can definitely say with certainty that I can count all my readers on one hand. Pretty impressive.

All that aside, I was looking at my web-stats the other day and there were a few days in the last month where I had 6, 7, 8 views in one day! 8 views? Wow! The way I see it there are two options... Either every single one of you is reading the same post twice in one day, or else there may be more than four people reading.

To be honest, I find it really hard to believe that you four will all read the same post twice in one day (not just re-reading it, but actually logging back on to the internet so that the web-stat-thinga-ma-jig sees it as a new visit). If that is how the internet works...

But I find it even harder to believe that there are 4 other people in this world that read my blog. Even if it was just those 3 days, people other than you read it... I mean, where did you come from? What on Earth did you google to find me?

I just tried googling myself... Would you believe that "Are you honourable" shows up #4 on google?

I was surprised. I continued googling myself and discovered you have to write VERY specific sentences in order for me to show up. This may be the only instance where using random, out of context sentences as my titles will come in handy - example: #1 ranking below.

But "My apple tastes like parsley" isn't even on the first page? How does that work? In fact, I looked through 5 pages and nada. And even this one (which I think is pretty unique) doesn't yield the same #1 results.

My favorite is the porn video that showed up before my post (if my page was even there).

What I'm driving at here is: I find it highly unlikely that people are finding me on the web. So my question to you, all eight readers, is this: are there actually eight of you? If so, do I know you? You didn't actually find me through the internet, did you? If so, how? If not, how?