Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Surprise!! (here’s something you already know…)

As you might remember, my dad once taught me to stick up for myself. I wouldn’t call it self defense, as I was a 10 year old girl, but he taught me to slap like nobody’s business.

He has since told me that I should take self defense classes because I’m not “inherently tough”. Big words for someone that didn’t make it to grade 9. Nonetheless, he’s right.

I’ve always known him to speak the truth, but this statement didn’t really hit home until last night. Last night I realized that I really need to work on some things so that I’m not murdered by a toothpick wielding maniac.

Yesterday, that statement would have made me laugh because of the mental picture it created.

Death by toothpick

But today, I think it’s quite possible that that feeb could overpower me. I’m scared for more than just my well being; I’m scared for my life.

Here’s what happened. The boy, a.k.a Thailand, told me he was going to come over to get some to get some; I decided to get in a quick girl-talk convo, with Dave. As I saw headlights in my front window, I knew I had to go. I quickly got off the phone and decided to change over my laundry before I forgot.

I dashed into my laundry room, switched over my laundry and started making my way to the front of the house to meet my guest. As I stepped into the bathroom, a figure was lurking to my right; as I cleared the doorway, the figure said “Hi!”.

How you doing

I nearly crapped my pants. I leapt backwards, simultaneously emitting a high pitched “eeeep!” while clutching my chest and taking a quick inhalation of air. After which, I started laughing so hard that I had to double over just to catch my breath. Meanwhile, my heart was pounding at such a furious rate, that if I was much older, I would have grabbed a few aspirin to start chewing on the way to the hospital.

That’s right. Even with someone that I KNEW WAS THERE (!!!) I was completely caught off guard. And, apparently, my only defense mechanism is making a complete ass of myself.

After I regained a normal heart rate (and maybe some composure), I decided to tell him exactly how much he scared me. I accused him of lurking in the bathroom just to scare me. He claims he just went in there “to wash his hands”. Likely story.

He told me that I jumped so much that he thought I was going to slip on the tile floor in an attempt to actually run backwards. Jokingly, I said “Man, I should really take some self defense classes”. To which Thailand replied, without a hint of humour in his voice: “Yes, yes you should.”


  1. Wait, why was he in the bathroom before you were able to greet him at the front door? I'm confused. But I do know what you mean about being scared even though you know the person is there. If they do something suddenly, it'll make you freak out. Totally natural. But it's good for Thailand that you don't know self defense moves or else he'd be in traction.

  2. I seem to recall a similar reaction 60% of the time I would say good morning to you.

  3. On the plus side you could have a career as the short lived heroine in the horror slasher film!

  4. go for the eyes and throat.

  5. Pickleope - it's of the "I leave my door unlocked and he walks in" variety. He is lucky I'm useless in that arena.

    Gorm - that's because you're creepy!! :)

    Kellie - that might just be my calling... "Oh no - ThatWhiteGirl's gonna get it!" Meant to be...

    Anonymous - I'll keep that in mind for next time!


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