Sunday, February 26, 2012

Awkward conversations with my dad and beyond...

I've been single for awhile now, immediately after getting out of my long-term relationship, I moved in with my dad because I couldn't find a place that would accept my 100+lb companion (a.k.a. rottweiller). Within months of living with my dad, he started making comments about being a grandfather. He really wanted to be a grandfather (and still does).

I tried to tell him that I was in no position to bear children:

  1. I was single and therefore would be a single mother (not desirable)

  2. I was living with him and therefore would be a single mother living with her father (even less desirable)

  3. I had a lot of emotional baggage and therefore would always be a single mother living with her father (pretty much the worst thing that could happen)

For some reason, these reasons were mere excuses to my dad; he said no man would ever be good enough for me anyway and I could stay as long as I wanted. Backfired. I continued to tell him that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon and that he should talk to my brother (who is older than me and in a long term relationship). He wasn't convinced. He continues to bug me.

Since then, Dad has become the high-pressure salesman of the family; he has even recruited Bev into the business. At least monthly I get questioned about whether or not there is someone in my life; about whether or not I'm any closer to bearing children. When I respond with my automatic "No, Dad, there is no guy", the response I get is "Well, you don't have to be married you know.... you can just get knocked up...". Thanks for that.

This has been going on for several years. I keep saying "No, I'm not seeing anyone", "No, I don't have a boyfriend", "No, there is no guy"... But then, I started thinking that maybe I was giving off the wrong vibe; maybe my dad thinks I'm a nun, maybe he thinks I'm a lesbian. Neither of which is the look I'm going for.

Bev & I went out for lunch a several months back and she questioned whether or not I was seeing anyone. I quickly responded with my standard "No" but then decided to elaborate a bit. I attract crazy fucking guys, so I told her about my (most recent) stalker, in hopes that she would drop it. She sympathized with me and agreed that I needed to do better than that. Whew.

A few months later, I was at my dad's house getting tanked with him when he decided to broach the subject with me. He asked if there were any guys in my life. I was nanoseconds away from saying "No, Dad, no guys..." when I decided to give him a bit more of a response. I said "Okay, it's not like there aren't any guys... there are guys... but the guy that I'm a whore with isn't the guy I bring home for Christmas dinner.. you know? They don't cross over for me, so until I find a guy that I'm thinking of bringing home for dinner, you're not going to hear about them." If I wasn't shit-faced, it would have been an awkward-ass conversation. Thank god for alcohol.

But then he turned around and said "Oh I'm glad... so, you're not a prude! Your sex life is good, then?". Awkward. Alcohol be damned, at that moment, I kinda wished he still thought I was a nun. Since I've opened this can of worms, I've decided to lie in the bed I made and try to keep them up to date with the goings-on in my life. I told Bev about the potential guys that have cropped up out of this Salsa dancing fiasco (Thailand*, DanceClass* and DanceClub* being the main ones). At first I thought this would help, but now I'm pretty sure it's just given them newfound hope.

Recently, I was over for dinner; my dad went downstairs and within seconds of him being gone Bev piped up with "I've been sitting here in suspense... Have you heard anything from Thailand yet?". Oh my god... I kinda wished she still thought I was a nun.

For the past few weeks I had no idea why everyone I knew kept asking me about Thailand. Why is everyone so hung up on Thailand? What about the other guys I've been talking about? And then I was talking with my good friend, Dave; he made some mention about me being smitten with Thailand. I tried denying it, but even to my ears it sounded transparent. Prior to this conversation we had only talked about the Salsa-itos once; it was a fairly brief conversation, yet he seemed to know things I didn't know.

So, I asked him how he knew such things. He said that my voice changed when I talked about Thailand compared to the other guys I had mentioned in the same sitting. He said that when you really know a person, you can hear the difference in their voice when they're just talking about someone they know and when they're talking about someone they like. He mentioned words like "happy" and "junior high". It was embarrassing.

But also a bit eye-opening. I said "Oh... that explains a lot..."; he asked what exactly it explained. I said that I've mentioned Thailand and the others to multiple people over the past few weeks, but anytime anyone asks me about any of it, it's always the same question "So... when does Thailand come back?".

Son of a bitch... Everybody can tell I'm smitten with Thailand.

(*names have been changed to protect their identity)


  1. So is he called Thailand because he's Thai, or because he's a ladyboy? I've been to Thailand, you know, and I've seen some crazy shit.

    Also, congratulations on not being an emotionally damaged single mother living with her father. No, seriously. That hasn't stopped a lot of girls I know. A lot.

  2. So Heather, only 5 more days till the return of Thailand?

  3. Beer - ha ha ha... neither! I met him, he left for Thailand. That's all. And thank-you... I feel like I made the right decision! Emotional baggage: gone (or lessened to a manageable level!). Single: yeah... so what? Living with Dad: nope!

    Dave - I don't know... I'm not the one counting... maybe YOU'RE smitten with him... hmmmmmmm....

  4. What?! I thought his real name WAS Thailand...

  5. Gorm - oh! It is... I don't know what I was thinking... :)


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