I have a no-hawk

So I went to a concert on Friday with a good friend of mine. And it seems that every concert we go to together has some amusing anecdote associated with it. This is no exception.

It started out well... we met up, went for dinner and a drink, then headed to the park for the show. Then we drank in public, stood in a very large line up and finally went in. Place was pretty full, but there was still a place for me to put a blanket down..  and have good seats! Sweet!

The opening band was already playing when we got in; I have no idea who they were but they were good. The main act went on stage and put on quite the show. All that aside, I didn't get much face-time in with the band, because I was too busy watching Benjamin.

I don't think that's actually his name, but that is what I'll call him for the rest of my life.

You see, it was an outdoor venue and Benjamin, the security guard, was behind this fence, close to the stage. He had a little walkie-talkie and every time he saw someone breaking the rules he got out his walkie-talkie and someone higher up (a manager, or perhaps someone a bit taller) came out and got the situation under control.

As far as I'm concerned, Benjamin has a couple strikes against him; namely:

1) He's a narc

2) He has a faux-hawk

3)... well, #3 is the point of this story, so I won't give it away...

You may be wondering why I was so busy watching a guy that tattle-tales; to be honest, it was the walkie-talkie. I always wanted one of those. Actually, I said 'to be honest', but then I lied. It had nothing to do with the radio. (Though I have always wanted one.)

I see two people (guy & girl) walk over to Benjamin to ask him a question. As they walk up, Benjamin looks straight at the girl's crotch and then into her eyes as she asked the question. That's not the worst part. The worst part is the look of disgust he had on his face when he looked at her crotch! Then, the guy talks to him and Benjamin did the exact same thing. Except the look of disgust changed to a look of intrigue. He liked what he saw...

I was pretty sure I was the only person who just witnessed this event, until my friend bursts out laughing and says "Did you see that??!?!". For the rest of the night we watched him. Everytime we caught Benjamin violating someone we would burst out laughing, and say things like "He just Benjamin'd that guy!", along with fist-bumping and high-fiving. Quite the spectacle.

Well, we decided that we had to be fair and give the guy the benefit of the doubt... maybe he's not a crotch-watcher, maybe his name isn't Benjamin. So to test our theory out, my friend (sitting on the blanket) stretches out, opens his legs and points his Benjamin at the security guard. After a few moment of Benjamin ignoring my friend's advances, I got distracted and looked away. A second later, my friend bursts out "Did you see that??!?!?". "No! Did he look?!". "Yes, but keep watching he will do it again...". "Will he now? Did he like it? huh?". "Just keep watching....".

Sure enough, Benjamin's eyes dart over and look directly at my friend's crotch. Burst out laughing. And again. Even more laughing. And again. Can't hardly breathe at this point... I swear he looked over at least a half dozen times. By the end I was laughing so hard but managed to get out:  "He Benjamin'd you! Ha ha ha" and go for a fist bump, but he leaves me hanging, I guess it's not as funny when it's your crotch that is being watched. My friend feeling violated enough for one day, put a backpack between his crotch and Benjamin's gaze.