Don’t fear the Reaper

You might remember my series of posts about Windows 7 ruining my life. If not, that’s okay, you don’t have to read them. Just know that there were a lot of them because I was angry and bitter (which is a bad combination when you have a blog).

The gist of the issue was that I was unable to record music in real time on a brand new laptop because of latency problem associated with Windows 7. I returned the laptop and several months later, returned to the store and purchased it again, content with the fact that I would keep my suffocatingly slow desktop for my music projects.

In that time, because I was never really content, I tried different interfaces and work-arounds but nothing seemed to work. One day, I had my friend Brian over and we ended up messing about on my desktop for recording. We ended up installing a better program called Reaper and then it promptly lost all recording capabilities.

We quickly uninstalled the “better” program and restored everything to it’s previous functioning state.

A few weeks later, I brought my laptop over to Brian’s house in order to figure out the recording issue once and for all. He suggested installing Reaper. Even though this would have been immediately rejected had he suggested it at my house a couple weeks earlier, I accepted his suggestion because the worst that could happen was that I still wouldn’t be able to record music on my laptop.

After a quick installation and a quick plug in of a microphone, we did a test.

I was recording in real time. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. I was astounded that it could be so easy when it had caused so much strife over the years. Seriously years. It’s been nearly 3 years.

So, what changed? In order to try and make a certain interface work, I had installed a generic audio driver, ASIO4all. As the name suggests it’s supposed to be compatible with everything.

Reaper is a more advanced recording program than the program I was previously using, Audacity, and has the ability to select different drivers for the program to function. Instead of selecting the audio driver in my computer (the one that causes the blasted latency issue I loathe), I selected ASIO. And it fixed all my problems.

Well, all my problems relating to recording on my laptop anyway…

Blooper Reel

This just goes to show that perfection takes practice. And by “perfection” I mean better than the first go round. And by “practice” I mean a lot of unwarranted laughing.

Good job, Gorm at assembling the (too many) attempts into a very humourous outtake video.

You’ve seen how it ended… here’s how it started.

Music Day got silly

Gorm and I had music day the other day. Things got a bit silly. He blames it on the fact that I called him out for changing the way he plays the songs. In an attempt to show me he can do whatever he feels like, the following happened:

Twilight–Elliott Smith

I had a very hard time holding it together. A blooper-reel will follow in time. A lot of laughter is involved.

Music Day feat. Gorm

I’ve mentioned a few times that Gorm & I often get together and have music day. Well, just in case you didn’t believe me, now we have proof.

We had music day this past weekend and recorded a few songs for evidence that it actually happens and we don’t suck… as bad as we used to anyway. A lot can happen after years of practice.

Gorm posted the videos on YouTube for the world to see. Show him some love and check out his channel here.

I think this one turned out the best (ironically enough, out of the songs posted it’s the newest song in our repertoire). Enjoy!

Gorm & ThatWhiteGirl’s Music Day!

There are a couple other songs posted on his channel from this session, but there are even more featuring his solo act.

It's so pointy

Okay, my last post was so unlike me and I've been told it was 'pretty sappy'.

In my brain, I replaced the word 'pretty' with 'really' and 'sappy' with 'shitty'. Fear not, my faithful readers, posts about syphilis are not far behind; I'll be back in the saddle soon enough. (There's a joke in there somewhere).

I've been working like crazy and it's been tough to devote the time necessary to write posts when my pile of dirty laundry is sky-high (on the floor of my room, not in the common laundry room, like some jerks) and my kitchen is a mess. But, due to a migraine, I left work after a mere 9 hours today and got home in time to tackle the sty I call my house. Go me.

Anyway, back to the point of the post... I've mentioned my pursuit of the opposite sex on here a few times before. I've also mentioned my experiences with online dating. Not surprisingly, I don't want to go there ever again. So... I'm trying something new. Cross your fingers for me. PLEASE!!

I've just joined a singles club. An event club. An adventure club. (Not of the $3K/yr variety - I'm too cheap for that). Basically, a club where you join, sign up for events and then go to them; all the people there are single. And since I'm fairly convinced I'm better in person, I think this is more up my alley.

Types of events include artsy stuff, like learning to draw and doing pot (pottery); sporty stuff, like volleyball, curling and canoeing; social things, like pub nights, dinners out, movie nights and comedy clubs; plus many others (or so I've been told by the propaganda department).

Now you may be asking yourself (probably not, but give a dog a bone, m'kay?!) "Now, Heather, you already do all of those things, why join a club to do them?" Because.

That's all I got.

I'm kidding. Because, when I go out for dinner, or to shows, pubs and the like, I'm around a bunch of people that I don't know. Yes, I realize the same will happen when I'm at a club related event, but, at least I won't be surrounded by a bunch of happy couples (fuckers).

At least I'll know that the people at the event are single and they'll know that I'm single. They'll also know that I will likely be going to other events. Therefore, it will (hopefully!) be easier to approach the hottie in the corner (that's me, in case you didn't catch on) and say "What's up?", instead of assuming that they have a girlfriend and find me repulsive. (okay, okay, it wasn't me in the corner... but it could be!!).

Scratch that. I won't be in the corner. I'll be in the middle of the room, making a scene.

So anyway, since I've just signed up, (as in yesterday), thus I haven't been to any events yet, and there are few on the horizon, being the end of the month and November's schedule hasn't been published yet. But don't you worry, I'll keep you all updated on all the goings-on as soon as I start going to events. Because I know you care.

On an unrelated note, my friend Dave is always on the lookout for things that "make Heather happy". He mentioned he wants to purchase an electronic drum kit; I mentioned that I've entertained the idea as well, but don't want to put out $1200 on something that I will only use to make my recordings sound even worse a few times a year for recording. Thus, he found an electronic kit that was used as a rental unit for the low, low price of $499. Now I just have to convince myself that spending $600 on a drum kit will be worth it.

Devils advocate, anyone??

Windows 7 has officially ruined my life (part 4)

Okay, so this isn't exactly the next post I had it mind, but I had to go with it.

I dropped my computer off with Anna on Tuesday of last week so her husband could take a look and work his magic. Anna updated me and said that the "virtual machine" isn't working and it's still doing "it". And by "it" I/she/ means recording "out of time" (and I'm not talking REM).

Ever since I dropped the thing off, I've convinced myself that there isn't actually a problem with the computer. I'm just too picky. I just have to come to terms with the fact that (while recording) it may be a millisecond or 500 off.

In order to truely justify my feelings towards the computer/operating system/soundcard, I figured I had to do a trial run. I had to test it out. (yes, yes, I am a scientist)... So, I plugged in my recording unit to my brand-new Toshiba laptop. The delay was slightly crazy, but not "Whoa.... what's going on" kind of crazy"... So I started to think that "the problem" is something I could actually work with. So it's true... I am unreasonable.

And then I plugged it into my desktop (which is an old, old, Acer, that has many, many, processing issues)... and when I tested it out.... I could hear myself AS I SPOKE! This equals "real-time", people.

For awhile there, I thought I was too picky. Maybe I didn't need real-time recording. Maybe I was being unreasonable. This test really cemented my belief ... and that belief is Windows 7 sucks.

Or else all laptops suck... but I don't think that's the case. In fact, I'm $400 away from buying a Mac. And even though some people say "Noooooo..... Mac's are evil!" I think I should save up a bit of dough and buy myself a MacBook... because the Lard knows I won't have recording issues with that bad-boy.

Windows 7 has officially ruined my life (part 3)

Alright... so The Husband managed to get XP installed as a "virtual machine" (Thank-You!!). This is apparently the $200 option BestBuy offered me. It still doesn't work.

The latest theory is that it's the soundcard and not the operating system. To me, that's neither here nor there, because the bastard is going back.

Will be going to BestBuy today or tomorrow and will update as necessary. "I got my $600 back" isn't much of an update, but I didn't think buying a new computer would warrant 4 posts either, so I think we all learned something: Nothing is easy. If you've managed to convince yourself otherwise, you will be shot down, bound, gagged and flogged until you manage to muster up the strength to murmur "Uncle". Things may or may not get better after that.

Windows 7 has officially ruined my life (cont'd)

The saga continues....

I took my computer back to BestBuy on Friday after work. I walk into the joint and a young man with a headset and a clipboard asked me how I was doing and what he could help me with. I took a deep breath and said "Okay, here's the deal..." I told him my plight. I thought that I was going to have to go into detail and discuss what exactly I'm trying to achieve and what audio latency is... I didn't have to do this.

Me: ... ... and Windows 7 has an inherent audio latency problem

Clippy: *nods* Yeeeaaahhh. It does.

Me: So you know about this?

Clippy: I had the same problem when I bought a new computer for trying to record music.

Me: I wish you sold me this computer. What did you do?

Clippy: Honestly, I brought it in to these guys [Geek Squad] and they fixed it for me.

Me: What do you think I should do?

Clippy: Buy a Mac?

Fuck you, Clippy. So I start talking about operating dual operating systems. He stops me and says that's way beyond his expertise and I should talk to one of the "agents". I'll have to wait because one of them is helping another customer. I take a seat at this bar and wait. I'm pretty optimistic that it's an easy fix. I don't know why... nothing has been easy so far.

While I'm waiting a guy makes eye contact from me from afar and starts heading over (if I had a drink in front of me, I would've thought I was getting picked up). He was wearing a "Windows Guru" shirt.

Guru: Have you been helped?

Me: I have. I'm just waiting for that guy there. But based on your shirt, I think you'll be able to help me.

Guru: Oh no. *takes a seat* What's going on?

Me: *explains problem*

Guru: Okay you have two options that come to mind. 1 - wipe hard-drive and install XP straight up. 2 - there's a "XP professional suite" program you can get that tricks your computer into thinking it has Windows XP installed, it just runs in the background, but when it's on, your computer runs just like it had XP on it. It's basically an application.

Me: How much?

Guru: I want to say $179?

Me: That's way more than I want to spend. In fact, I want to spend nothing because I just spent a bunch of money on this brand-new computer.

Then the Geek Squad guy comes over and the Guru bolted. For the third time I explained my problem, this time to the Geek. He said that I could wipe the hard-drive and put XP on it, but doesn't recommend that because there could be compatibility issues with my drivers for devices such as my sound card. Well, wouldn't that suck for my sound card to stop working altogether. Otherwise, dual operating system is the best bet and they charge $100 to do it. Which, again, is far more than I want to pay.

To get a restore disk, so I can re-install Windows 7 in case things go horribly, horribly wrong with XP costs $50. So pretty much my options are to spend a bunch more money just to make my brand new computer work, or else return it. Oh sure, I can exchange it, but any computer in their establishment comes with Windows 7 on it. So really I'll be in the same boat even if I switch it up.

I took it back to Brain Trepaning today and we went all over the internet searching for instructions on how to set up a dual operating system and trying everything we haven't tried before (and all the things we had already tried). We downloaded the latest drivers for everything. Windows 7 just won't allow it. It feels threatened by the older, wiser and more eXPerienced operating system.

My options as of right now are: to write a strongly worded letter to BestBuy and demand they pay the Geek Squad bill, or else; alternatively The Token Skeptic's husband is good at computers and he says he can install a secondary operating system. Despite her typical skepticism, she's confident in his abilities, so I can only hope there's some trick that he knows about.

Otherwise... *giant frowny face*

Windows 7 has officially ruined my life

My computer is on it's last legs and it has been for quite some time. I have been obsessively archiving for the past year and a half in fear that my computer would suddenly stop working and I would lose everything.

As discussed in a previous post, I've started recording music. My computer was getting to the point of ridiculousness when the sound of my fan turning on and off could be heard throughout my recordings. Not desirable. I decided it was time to buy a new computer. I wanted a laptop; it would be nice to be able to bring my computer to school and not be tied to my computer desk while recording.

So yesterday I went out and I bought a new laptop. I spent weeks researching and was confident that I did pretty well. I got it home, got it all set up... everything seemed to be working smoothly; new computer smoothly. I downloaded my audio program, plugged in my guitar and got ready to record.

But when I started recording there was this crazy delay. I'd hear what I was playing nearly a full second after I played it! I couldn't figure it out. But it clearly wasn't working the way I was used to. I spent hours fiddling with the audio program, the computer settings and surfing the internet for help.

But all I found were a lot of angry people using words like 'audio latency', 'drivers' and 'complete bullshit'. I didn't understand much of the technical mumbo-jumbo but I did piece together that 'audio latency = crazy delay I can't figure out = complete bullshit'. I admit that I whole heartedly agreed with them after having owned the computer for merely 3 hours.

I came to the conclusion that I could not figure this out on my own. I needed professional help, so I called my friend, Brain Trepaning; he routinely helps me with my computer and recording problems. He's my technology go-to guy. I brought it over to his place, he was stumped. We spent hours fiddling with the computer settings and surfing the internet for solutions... he was much more productive with the technical forums than I; he understood what the terms meant and tried what they were suggesting to do. But, still, no success.

We found a site that has a giant thread all about Windows' audio latency problem and as of Aug 6, 2010 (the date of the last post) there are no solutions for this problem. At all. This is a problem that is inherent to Windows 7 operating system and there's no way around it. Except wipe the hard drive and install Windows XP.

I just paid a bunch of money for this computer because it's all new and current and as state-of-the-art as I can afford. And it is physically incapable of doing the one thing that I want it to do! My baby, for all intents and purposes, is retarded. And even though I think it looks nice and has 'good qualities', it's blatant lack of capacity to function how I expect it to in my life severely diminishes it's value to me. Terms like 'totally useless' and 'waste of money' come to mind.

To top it off, this has been a problem since Vista. Vista. That was the last operating system... Windows 7 is supposed to be an upgrade, you know, fix all the bugs that cropped up in the last system (and invariably create new ones, but that's beside the point). They've known about the glitch for the past 3 years and have done nothing!

This is a new computer. I would expect this kind of problem from a computer I got at a yard sale for $10 and whose parts are no longer available because the technology is so old and out-of-date no one could possibly still want to purchase them. Nope, brand-new. Receipt is probably still crisp and everything.

If I wanted to continue living in the past and keep using XP (a 10 year old operating system), I'm fairly certain I could get a computer for half of what I paid and it would work two times better than this over-priced, over-qualified paperweight. I have had the computer for 30 hours.

Windows 7: You were not my idea.

Turns out I can't play guitar while sitting on a swiss ball

I alluded to this in my last post but I decided not to include it because I thought I would veer so far off course that I would no longer have any idea where I was going and then I'd have to get back on track and get back to the point of the story and then finish it, well, understandably, it could have been a very, very long story (kinda like that sentence).

So I decided to save the side story and make it into it's own thing... that way I can really do this story justice. And justice it shall have. In my last post I said I dropped my rickety old 4-track multiple times and then it didn't work so well... Turns out, there's a huge back story (surprised? Probably not.).

I bought the 4-track so I could record a spoof song for my brother (Grow Your Own Hay, oh yeah!). I had never recorded anything before, so my knowledge was limited at best. There was a lot of manual-reading and chin-rubbing going on. I managed to get a (very) basic understanding of how it worked and was considering starting the recording process. That was about the time I started dropping the thing.

I was slightly panicked because I really needed to get the project finished (and started!) but I didn't want to spend any more money doing it. So I called my Mr. Fixer Friend. He fixes everything for me: desks, guitars, tables... ... my broken heart (he's my real-life-Gary!). Normally, our conversations go like this:

Him: Hello?

Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaaa-ve... !!

Him: Hi Heather. What's wrong?

Me: It's just that I dropped my guitar and now it has a big gouge in the neck and I don't know what to doooooo!!

Him: I can take a look at it and we can fix it. Okay?

Me: Okay... are you sure you can fix it, I mean, it's a pretty big gouge??

Him: I'm sure it'll be fine. Don't worry, we'll fix it.

Me: Okay... thanks Dave!

So when I dropped my 4-track and it no longer appeared to be working, I called Dave, in my normal state of panic. Our conversation went like this:

Him: Hello? (he sounded really sick)

Me: Hi Dave. Are you okay?

Him: I'm really not feeling well.

Me: You don't sound like it.

Him: Mmmm.

Me: So... you know... the reason I'm calling...

Him: Yes?

Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaaa-ve... !!

Him: Uh-oh. What's wrong, Heather?

Me: It's just that I dropped my 4-track and now it doesn't work and I don't know what to doooooo!!

Him: Oh. Okay.

Me: Okay? What?! Don't you think you can fix it, I mean, it's just a 4-track, right?

Him: I don't know; I can try but I can't guarantee anything.

I was speechless. I can't really recall the rest of the conversation, but I think it's safe to say 'disappointed and distraught' are very good descriptors of how I was feeling. We got off the phone and I continued to mope around the house and, in general, be bummed out. Whaa... I can't do my project!

A few hours later, Dave called me back. He was feeling much better and had time to consider it (and call people who knew stuff about it) and he wanted some details: how high did you drop it from, was it plugged in, did the plugs jam into the jacks when it fell, etc. My responses: Pretty high, like 2 feet! Yes it was plugged in and yes the plugs did jam into the jacks... yeah, it pretty much fell right on the cords, jamming them right in there.

Conversation not withstanding, he said that he would open it up and look and at the very least solder any loose connections, maybe replace an input jack or two and *fingers crossed*, it works. Whew... see, now that's what I wanted him to say in the first place! Even though he didn't guarantee success, I was still really happy and optimistic.

So I went to work the following Monday and we were discussing our weekends around the lunch table (thanks guys!). It was my turn and I started telling the above story. But instead of saying I was mopey and bummed out, I said... and I quote "Worst friend ever." Well, The Token Skeptic jumped all over that.

"Really? He's the worst friend ever just because he couldn't fix something for you?" "Yes, yes he is" and then I told everyone the part about how he called me a couple hours later and told me he could fix it (see, optimistic!). Of course she rolled her eyes (and possibly squinted) at my flaw-gic... but that's pretty much standard. This was roughly 8 months ago.

The other day, I was conversing with The Token Skeptic and I mentioned Dave. And she said "Don't you mean the worst friend ever?" and I was like "What?!? No!!!! Dave is ... great... ... he's a ... great friend..." By this time, I could tell by the look on her face that I was missing something. I start thinking real hard but have no idea how she would be led to believe that Dave is the worst friend ever. And then I recall the lunch time conversation and I burst out laughing and say "Yeah, that's right... that Dave. Worst friend ever!"

P.S. Dave you are not the worst friend ever. You are a great friend and I love you very much.

P.P.S. My sink is leaking.

Big thanks to EliseArt for providing illustrations!!

You were genetically modified to suck!

I'm not very technologically savvy... maybe even technologically retarded. Challenged, pardon me. It's not that bad; I have friends that know what they're doing.

One of these friends has his own website and blog and everything. He told me that I should also blog. My immediate response was "But that's on the internet and I don't know how that works". So he told me how: go here and make an account, download this and type. My response: "Sounds complicated". His response: "It's not. It couldn't be easier." I brushed it off with my non-committal "Sounds interesting", which he took to mean that it sounded interesting and so he started explaining how pings work and how I could ping better than anyone else... or something. I can't recall. I really didn't understand that part of the email.

So a couple months later, someone else said I should write down my stories and since I'd recently become addicted to Cracked, I decided the blog idea wasn't that far-fetched and I'd give it a shot. I went through my discarded emails and found the one outlining how to make it happen. I still have no idea what pings are...

Yes, yes, I do want pings, so long as you're offering and so long as they're free.

So once I started up my blog my friend asked if I'd like his blog to have a link to my blog, I said sure. Within minutes, a link was up. (Thanks Brain!) Since I have no idea how to do that (that's on the internet and I don't know how that works) I'll return the favour, the low tech way. http://www.trepaning.com/blog/. You're welcome. You may have just recruited three new readers. I can say three with confidence because I have four readers and one of them is you.

**UPDATE** I have now figured out one part of the internet; Brain's blog now has a working link on the sidebar. Oh yeah.

**UPDATE** I may have in fact recruited a fifth reader... it's questionable whether or not he will actually read it, but since it's my brother, I can only hope! :)

Hmmm... other technology that I don't understand...

Well, I still refer to the flat screen TVs/monitors as the "new" kind... even though you can no longer purchase CRT versions anywhere... Except for maybe the local pawn shop or crack house. I realize they're not new anymore, but I just can't seem to get past it. I think I should buy one of those new TVs and then maybe I'll stop making that slip.

I got my first cell phone for xmas 5 years ago. After I opened it and gave Dad the totally cliché response "Oh, cool!", he informed me that he had taken the liberty of charging the battery, so I could use it right away. Aw, thanks Dad. I continued to hold it and say "pretty" a lot. Finally, a 12 year old took it out of my hands, turned it on and started showing me how it worked. Wow... when I saw the colours on the screen... you should've heard me - I tell ya, it's like I'd never seen TV before. I had, I just had never seen one so small and with a screen so flat! Fairly certain everyone in the room laughed at me. For the rest of the night.

I've started recording music. I got myself a 4 track (the cassette, analog version, not the new, digital, fancy kind), but after I dropped it a few times and it stopped working so well, I decided to feed the music into the computer. I say 'I decided', but really, I called a friend of mine complaining and he told me that's what I should do and then told me how to do it. I followed his instructions and then I figured out the cords and the program and now I can record straight into my computer. Amazing. (Thanks Brain!) I've since ditched the 4 track and have upgraded to the least digital, least fancy computer-music-interface-thing money could buy.

When I first played a Wii, I was blown away by the cordless controller and amazed by the fact that you just point it at the TV and it knows what you're doing. I had no idea how the TV could "see" the Wii remote, let alone tell the Wii what you're doing with it... yes, I did say that out loud and yes, I was shown the sensor bar, completely separate from the TV. Okay, so it's not that smart... And apparently neither am I...