That White Girl’s Alive–Part Two

As I mentioned last time, I’ve had some recent developments in my life. Although, all developments I listed in my last post do not warrant their own post, they do warrant elaboration.

List from last post:

1. I’m still alive

2. Work has been chaos and has been eating up all my time

3. I graduated from school (eeeep!)

4. The Boy moved in (double eeeep!)

5. I lost internet at home for 5 long weeks

6. I just got internet back

1. I am still alive. Unfortunately, I lost my URL because I didn’t have it on auto-renew. Even though that hurts me on the inside, it certainly hasn’t and won’t actually kill me.

2. Work has been busy and will continue to be busy for the next little while but now has a different kind of pressure and deadline. We completed one big project, but now are dealing with the aftermath of it and cleaning up after ourselves. We’re also expecting some auditors in at the end of the year, so we need to be prepared for that and make sure that we in fact adequately cleaned up after ourselves.

3. I graduated from school and this warrants its own post, so I won’t go into any detail now other than to say, I did it.

4. The Boy officially moved in. In the 8 months we’ve been seeing each other, we’ve basically been living together for 5 months. Right around Thanksgiving, he stopped going home much and was spending most of his time here. I eventually gave him a key.

In January, we had the conversation about him officially moving in. It didn’t make sense for him to be paying rent to his room-mate for a place he doesn’t live in and he wanted to be able to help me with the bills instead. So, he gave his room-mate notice and intended to vacate as of March 1st. Over the next few weeks, he slowly started bringing stuff over. As the end of February grew closer, the loads got bigger.

With me being busy at work and not being around to help organize and go through stuff, the boxes simply piled up and remained unopened. Once work slowed down enough that I had an available brain cell, I was overwhelmed by the chaos and was minutes away from completely losing my mind. The Boy may or may not have heard all about it. Multiple times.

I ended up taking the past week off work and we spent most of that time dealing with the chaos, so now the majority of stuff has been sorted, stored, given away etc. The place is starting to resemble a home again instead of this mess:

5. The internet was being provided by my upstairs neighbour. Once the landlord moved out, his cousin moved in and continued to give the tenants internet. Over the years, the other tenants lost their privileges and eventually I was the only tenant left with this grandfathered perk.

When The Boy brought his computers over, I gave him the internet password and he promptly went to town on it. My upstairs neighbour promptly changed the password and I promptly lost my free internet. I called the service provider for my land line and requested internet be added. They had a fantastic bundle that would end up costing me all of $15 more a month.

And then, it took them over 4 weeks to get their shit together; I had to contact them 3 times in order for them to actually ship the modem out. And then I got my bill.

6. Moral of the story, I now have internet, even though it was a pain in the ass and the longest 4.5 weeks of my life. Luckily, I had a work-issued smartphone and was able to pilfer internet access through that data plan.

That basically covers everything from the last post, aside from the graduation, which will soon follow.

Met up with a friend the other day for lunch; the following conversation occurred:

Thanks LC. Although (I hope) you’re right about the lack of terrible dating stories in the future, I sure hope to prove you wrong about being boring and not having any good stories left to tell.

The tea in the UK is far superior

So I took part in the Warrior Dash a while back. (A real post pertaining to this will show up, I swear!) One of the perks of doing the warrior dash is you get a super cool Viking hat. A girl from work was unnecessarily excited about my hat and wanted me to bring it in. I did.

As I was standing there holding it, EliseArt looks up and says "Is that a tea cozy?". I scoffed and assured her that it was not a tea cozy. Yeesh. But that got me to thinking... I drink tea all the time. I use a tea pot.

My current tea cozy is a makeshift set up consisting of tea towels and oven mitts. Kinda ghetto. I'd been meaning to test out the hat, but the idea kinda fell to the wayside and I forgot until one day I was wrapping my tea pot in layers of ghetto-ness. I recalled the conversation (that's kinda what I do) and got super excited. I had to calm myself down because normally when I get super excited, things end badly for me. I calmly walked to the hat, all the while thinking "It's not going to fit anyway".

But it did fit. Perfectly, in fact. Now I'm not longer ghetto and tea drinkers everywhere will totally be jealous of my awesome tea cozy.

It's unreal. And it keeps my tea piping hot!

Big thanks to EliseArt for giving me the idea, even if you weren't serious about it!

Short Post Central

I recently took part in The Warrior Dash, which I will write a post about soon and which EliseArt will illustrate. I mentioned to her that I want pictures. She asked me for sketches (put that in the record-books). I asked incredulously "Do they actually help?!?!" (feeling hopeful) and she said "Sometimes...."

I guess all hope isn't lost. Maybe I can draw one day if I practice enough. (Still need to buy the tablet).

Janitors aren't waste - they're people

I've known for quite some time that my drawing skills are somewhat... lacking. Despite my lack of talent and perspective, I often try to draw, even if just to give EliseArt a little more to go on than "Me - mopey". She has received a number of very, very bad drawings that were supposed to 'help'.

Even though my pen and paper drawings turn out like that (and sometimes worse), I still occasionally convince myself that if I try hard enough I can draw. I'll open up paint and start trying. When it looks like shit and/or takes far, far too long, I blame my incompetence on external factors, like the mouse. Clearly, it's the mouse's fault that my drawings turn out like this:

So, I started entertaining the idea of buying a drawing tablet so that I have a pen, because that will fix everything. Once I sobered up, I realized that I was kidding myself. I highly doubt that a drawing tablet will help matters. But... since I'm, like, a scientist, and stuff, I need to test this theory out. So, I've asked EliseArt if I can borrow her tablet for the night. When I get said tablet, I will re-create the above picture and you can judge whether or not it's worth me spending the money on a tablet.

*Update: (July 14, 2011) - added tablet picture

 

 *Update: (July 14, 2011) - I think my drawing has improved, but not remarkably. Now I'm at the point where I convince myself that if I practice enough and try hard enough I can do it and the tablet won't be an $80 paperweight. What's your opinion, Mighty Reader?

Disclaimer - I do not intend to draw all pictures in this blog - that would be cruel and unusual punishment and I don't want to lose the 3 readers I've managed to hold on to. EliseArt, you won't get off that easy - you must earn your 12% cut!

Me: I was kidding - learn how to take a joke! EliseArt: Aw, Heather, I missed you!

Judging by my title, I think the Simpsons quote email has gone on too long. Or maybe not long enough. Anyway, I'm going to try and get more posts done in June, but since it's only 3 days until the end of the month, I'm going to have to post things without pictures and without a point. Enjoy.

I moved into the place I live in ... 5 years ago this July 1st. Happy Anniversary! When I first moved in it was shortly after having lost my poor puppy to illness; I wasn't ready to own another animal. So when the ad said "no pets" I didn't really care. But when I had my interview, I wanted to see how serious the landlord actually was, so I asked "The ad says no pets... how do you feel about a cat?" He said "You have a cat?" and I said "No, but I was thinking I might want to get one, one day". He assured me that no furry animal would be living in the house and gave me a list of reasons. I accepted this by giving him my damage deposit and saying "I'll take it!".

Stompy and hubby were always on the landlord to let them get a dog. When I moved in they approached me on the subject. I told them my situation and explained that I might be ready for an animal "some time soon". They started asking me to talk to the landlord and bug him to see if he would let me get a cat or dog. I knew his stance (partially because he told me at the interview, but also because he would complain to me about them constantly bugging him about getting a dog) so naturally, I never bugged him about it.

So Stompy moved out and new people moved in. Every so often I hear a yappy little dog upstairs barking its fool head off. It's not often, so I know that the dog can't possibly live there. I figure, he must be visiting with his owners, right? Makes sense.

Today I was getting out of my car and happened to look up and saw the cutest little white kitty. On their porch. Cats don't usually visit with their owners, do they?? I wonder how long it'll take the landlord to see or hear about the cat.

 

P.S. I probably spent more time linking things in this post than writing it. Cheers to being a devoted blogger!

P.P.S. Therefore, please don't call me on typos or incorrect grammar. Thanks!

I must have homework to do...

Here's a little glimpse into the ridiculous ramdon-ness that I call life...

Jan 30th
EliseArt sends me & Gorm an email with a picture of an ewok. (That's not all... it gets much more ramdon). She purchased a drawing tablet and the following conversation between me & Gorm ensued:

Feb 5th
Gorm: Yes, people emailing my hotmail are more privileged as I respond more than once a week normally.

Me: Well, aren't they a lucky bunch then!

Gorm: And now, so are you!

Feb 6th
Me: Woo - hooo!! I'm special, just like everyone else!

Gorm: "Which is just another way to say - nobody is" -The Incredibles

Feb 7th
Me: "D'Oh!" - The Simpsons

Feb 8th
Gorm: "Ha Ha!" -Nelson Muntz, The Simpsons

Me: "I think he's really hurt" - Milhouse Van Houten, The Simpsons

Gorm: "Why...why was I programmed to feel pain?" - Linguo, The Simpsons

Feb 9th
Me: "This hurts more than it looks" - Homer Simpson - The Simpsons

It's been going on like this ever since. We've, literally, been emailing Simpson quotes back and forth for months now. Holy fuck. And since Mar 22nd we've been on a single episode - Lisa The Vegetarian. We've dropped the quotations and stopped ending everything with "Person Who Said It, The Simpsons" so now it has taken on a structure of that of a screenplay (much like the above).

It doesn't happen everyday, but whenever I get one of these emails it's pretty much the highlight of that day for me. It makes me ridiculously happy. I love every bit of it. I love seeing what quote he uses and I love the scenes that play in my head as I relive the episode for myself and I love having to come up with my own quote.

It's so ridiculous, I just had to share. And you know how gmail starts a new conversation after 100 replies? No? Really? You don't? Well it does. And now we're on our second conversation.

Soooo.... how was your weekend!?!?! *grin*

Happy New Year! Here's a quickie* post to tell you something extraordinary that happened to me on NYE. It was a great night!

*note - this was supposed to be quick post, without pictures (because I'm not EliseArt) but then I decided to draw pictures (I'm sorry) and it took me like 2 hours to compile this post.

First, I met up with K and we headed to The Keg for dinner and drinks. Mostly drinks. They have this lemon meringue martini that is absolutely delicious. They also had this super special that I ordered and K ordered a regular steak dinner and we split all the extras (salad, dessert, CRAB!). It was pretty much the most spectacular dinner ever. But I did regret sharing the crab with her.

After dinner, we went down to the pub to play pool and have some drinks. Mostly drinks. We used to frequent this bar on a semi-regular basis. And by semi-regular basis, I mean we went there once a week, every week, for a year. And a half. So, it's safe to say that we know people there.

We walked in, and were expecting to see T behind the bar, but he wasn't there. He was pretty much the one we went to see, because we knew he'd be there for sure. And then it turns out, he wasn't. We thought it all might be a bust. But we decided to play pool anyway and see what happens.



Shortly after, K spotted Jo on the patio. She came in and said hi and we said we'd see her on the patio in a little while. I technically* beat K at pool and this guy had already called winners, so I had to play him.

*note - she was kicking my ass and then accidentally sunk the 8ball. I won by default. (the two greatest words in the english language - De Fault, De Fault!)

I started off pretty good - sunk like 4 balls in a row. It almost looked like I deserved my win. I was pretty pleased. Especially when I did this super trick shot (totally not on purpose); the look on this guys face was "Oh no, I've been had". Once I told him it was an accident, he looked more relieved and then proceeded to kick my ass.

At some point, K tells me that S is outside with Jo. We decided that we'd go out and say Happy New Year after I got my ass kicked. We didn't have to wait long.

We go outside and S says "Hey Girls! What's happenin'!?". Not much, not much... we started getting into a place at the table, S says "You might know my buddy Brandon..." Just as I'm about to sit down, the guy turns and looks at me:





I dropped everything and hugged him and said "OH MY GOD - IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!". Meanwhile (i.e. simultaneously) he's having the exact same conversation with K. S is at the table, completely flabbergasted, saying "Yeah, so you may know my buddy Brandon.... I guess you might know my buddy Brandon... I guess you know my buddy Brandon..." Too funny.

So Brandon was my brother's best friend in elementary school and we were really good friends for a lot of years. Realistically, it's been 15 years since we've seen each other. To say it was a total trip to run into him, would be the understatement of the century (or at least of last year). To say that I ran into him, at a bar, that I go to pretty much all the time, seeing him with someone that I always see at this bar... well, you can't really put that into words. I was shocked; I couldn't believe it (I can't believe it). Needless to say, I spent most of the night going "BRANDON! IT'S SOOOO GOOD TO SEE YOU!!"

S routinely hits on me when he's had a few... dozen, beer that is. It's harmless; nothing ever comes of it; he works with my dad and is probably terrified. Anyway, at some point, after he reached this point of drunkenness, he said "Ah geez... I wouldn't have brought Brandon if I knew Heather would be so into him" Or something to that effect.

My reply? "Oh S. Don't worry - he's not competition; he's like a brother to me!". To make matters worse, K leaned over to him and said "Really? ... So now what?!?". How embarrassing; but a great night nonetheless!

P.S. Dustin: Please refer to above pictures; this is the reason I need EliseArt. I'm sure you now understand. Please forgive me for (and be patient of) the time I take out of Elise's day/life to illustrate for me. I'm positive we now see eye-to-eye on this matter.

Watch out - your cheese has a label on it!!!

I've been given the challenge of writing: Best. Post. Ever. and even though it was stipulated in said challenge that I should feel no pressure, the overwhelming feeling of pressure is ever present. I can't even think of a story, let alone, write the best one. Shit.

Here goes... I can only hope that the lack of substance in this post is overshadowed by illustrative goodness. No pressure EliseArt.

When I was around 6 or 7, my mom had a boyfriend and he had a daughter my age. Naturally, we became best friends. One summer, Mom's beau, Bo, was going to Alberta to visit family. He thought it might be a good idea if I went along and kept his daughter company. We ended up going three times altogether, one time after him and Mom broke up.

The first time I went there, I was a bit out of my element. We stayed with his family; they had a farm with horses and chickens and a pond and everything. Although, in theory, I liked all those things, in reality, I had no idea what I was doing. I had 'city kid' written all over me.

The very first thing I learned about horses was to never approach them from behind. If they don't see you coming, they'll get spooked and kick you. I also learned to feed them with a flat hand, so they couldn't bite off your fingers. Both are very good lessons to learn.

Then I learned to ride them. I only ever rode them with an experienced rider in front of me. I'd sit behind the saddle and hold on for dear life. I was told I was a natural, which made me feel better about the city kid beacon emblazoned on my forehead.

I became very paranoid about these two lessons I learned. Every time I'd see someone feeding a horse I'd want yell and warn them about getting bit.

Anytime I saw anyone walking behind a horse, I'd want to yell out for them to keep back.

I didn't want to see anyone get hurt. But then I'd remember that they'd been around horses a lot more than I had, so they probably knew already. Afterall, these were the people that taught me these lessons.

Fearing that I would live up to the city kid stereotype even more if I vocalized my concerns, I kept them to myself. However, I confided in my friend about my internal battle. She mocked me every chance she got. She would constantly remind me that she 'goes there every year' and 'rides horses all by herself'. So I definitely would never have corrected her for fear of her mocking me until her voice was hoarse.

So one day we were playing in the field with the horses. And by 'we were playing', I mean, I was standing at a safe distance observing the horseplay. I see my friend walking across the field behind this horse. She was at a safe distance so I didn't fear for her safety.

Her path was directly behind the horse and at a diagonal, so she progressively got closer and closer to the horse.

I started getting a bit nervous.

At one point she was standing directly behind the horse.

I got really nervous, but didn't call out, out of fear of ridicule. But because I was keeping it in, really, I was just flailing my arms, looking terrified in the middle of a field with nothing at all around me. (Let alone something scary nearby).

I was fairly certain my friend was safe. The horse was completely unaware that she was behind him. And then my friend did the stupidest thing ever.

She literally gave it a pat on the ass. Naturally, the horse spooked and bucked.

 

She seriously flew through the air at least 4 feet* and smashed into a fence.

(*memory says it's more like 8ft, but that seems unrealistic, so I'm cutting it in half for conservatism)

She got up. I ran over to her and asked if she was okay. When she said yes; I burst out laughing and told her that I totally saw it coming. She was really mad (for some reason) and questioned (nearly hysterically) why-oh-why hadn't I called out to her? Why!? Because Karma's a bitch, that's why!

 

 

Big thanks to EliseArt for providing the illustrations.

Something Ramdon....

So I haven't posted in awhile and it's purely because... ... well... I've been busy. I finished school and now I have all this free time and as a result I don't get anything done because I have no deadlines.

That's not entirely true... I have been working on my story, but as it turns out, it's much more difficult to invent a story than it is to tell one.

You see, when I tell a story it's like a little movie playing in my head showing what exactly happened; in person, I really try to portray the movie through words, dialogues, actions and gesticulations. I try and get the same point across when I'm writing, but for some reason I find it easier to write about real-life rather than the make-believe stuff.

Case and point

I have "an associate"... you may know her as EliseArt... She puts up with a lot of crap from me... I see her at work, or send her an email, and say things like: "Pics I want... Me, panicked, dropping something (black box), looking up (over?) and looking sad/distraught... mouth KINDA like the "Really Ugly" pic, but less drool and less saggy eye and more eyebrow!"

And somehow she manages to get it perfect.

When I first started blogging, I'd write the post, I'd think of pictures I wanted and then I'd go to her with the list of pictures (descriptions as above, or worse). Despite that, she would produce amazing artwork. Then we decided that it might be better if she knew what the post was about before she started drawing ... (for some reason my descriptions weren't good enough... weird...).

From then on, I'd send her my posts (in advance) with notes throughout it saying "Pic here" or a further description such as: "Me: Mopey... I think you probably have a good idea of how I look mopey... head sagging, shoulder slumping, sad face..."

And... BAM!!!!

Perfect picture everytime!!!

So anyways....

I've been working on my story and I sent it to Elise, with absolutely no direction whatsoever, except "Please read. And consider pictures. I don't really have any ideas. I'm sorry! :) See you in the car, Heather"

And of course, she sent me some awesome pictures... but I thought, it needs to be more funny... (not her pictures... my story). I tried to think up some other ideas. And I did. So I sent them to her today. But then I realized that she's leaving for a month in less than a week and then I'm on my own (and realistically, before then, because she's leaving for a month in less than a week).... Oh No... On Own.... On Own....

So I've decided that I have to brush up on my paint skills and attempt drawing for myself or else I'll have a month's worth of people coming up to me and saying things like "You know.... it's been two weeks since you posted anything...."

And I can't have that.

Stay tuned for some really bad paint drawings ...

That's the best I can do.... Elise... Come back soon! :)

Big thanks to EliseArt for providing the good illustrations.

P.S. Enjoy your vacation! :P