As I’ve said on here before, all my life I’ve heard about just how pale I am. Between my last name and my colouration, I’m the butt of many “why aren’t you tan” jokes.
I’ve grown accustomed to it; so much so that after a tropical vacation I already know my response to the above question.
A couple weekends ago, I was able to off-load some of the ammo. I was able to reciprocate just enough to feel powerful. Let me replay the situation.
I ended up at my local watering hole. I found myself a seat at the bar with a bunch of rowdies surrounding me. I may or may not have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.
A heated discussion ensued. A heated discussion that would have driven many-a-people insane for the rest of the night. A heated discussion for which I happened to know the answer. This may or may not have garnered me a seat with them.
As I was conversing with a girl within the group, the guy that invited me over was having a discussion with the waitress. I’m not sure of her heritage (Italian? Greek?), but in the dead of winter she has colouration. Not a lick of sun has been about and she’s positively olive.
The guy beside me proclaimed something.
Not even knowing the basis of the conversation, I leapt on the opportunity.
Me: I’m sorry – you’re going to be as tanned as Maia?
Whitey2 – Yep!
TWG – Got some Irish in ya?? I call your bullshit!
W2 – What?
TWG – Look at you – you will NEVER be as tanned as Maia!
W2 – Sure I will!!
TWG – Where are you going?
W2 – Maui.
TWG – And how long will you be there?
W2 – A week.
TWG – Yeah. You’ll be red if anything.
W2 – What??
TWG – How much Irish you got in you exactly?
W2 – I’m full Irish…
TWG – Yeah, you’re not coming back tanned.
He questioned how I knew such a thing. I told him he had no idea just how White I am.
It was surprisingly fulfilling.
P.S. Dear Anonymous – I find it unfair that you seem to know who I am and I have no idea who you are. Reveal your identity. Please?!