Saturday, January 18, 2014

Getting old

I woke up the other day and suddenly realized that I’ll be 34 in a few months. Thirty-fricken-four. I don’t feel that grown up. I have a blog, for fuck sakes!
So I may have started having a “holy crap, I’m in my mid-30’s” crisis. I quickly decided that being where I am in life is an okay place to be. It was okay last week, what’s the difference now?
But then, strange things started happening. Things that can only mean that I am in fact getting old.
First, I got onto a pretty full bus the other day; since I was only going a few stops, I pulled up the nearest piece of pole and got comfy. Well, as comfy as you can be standing on a bus full of people. Then, it happened…
Girl: Would you like to sit down?
ThatWhiteGirl: Um, no thanks, I’m good.
Girl: Are you sure?!
TWG: Totally.
Only old people get offered seats on the bus. And sometimes not even.
Next, I took a friend to get a facial on her birthday; she mentioned to the esthetician that it was the first facial for both of us. She eyed my crow’s feet suspiciously and said “really?”. As we were leaving, I said that it was so nice and that I should have started getting them sooner. Her raised eyebrows indicated that she was thinking the same thing but for very different reasons.
Then, I was chatting with a couple work folk and we were discussing a particular intersection; I mentioned that a gas station was on the corner. I was shot down pretty quickly; the other two were convinced there was no gas station. I was adamant that it was there and a Circle K store was attached to it. They didn’t even know what Circle K was.
This invoked a comment from one of my co-workers. “Were you buying your slurpees from there back in 1972?” Um. Thanks. Do I look old enough to be buying slurpees in 1972? My other co-worker informed him that I wasn’t even born yet. Thanks for having my back, Term.
Lastly, I was going through the drive-thru the other day and had this gem of a conversation with the cashier.
Cashier: $8:35, please.
TWG: On debit, please.
(we’re Canadian, leave us alone)
Cashier: Does it have the tap function?
TWG: Nooooo.(in a “I’m totally sure” kind of way)
Cashier: Just thought I’d check, it makes it easier.
TWG: I know! I saw it once and it was so fast. It’s pretty cool!
Cashier: It is.
TWG: I don’t even know how you get one…
Cashier: Oh, it comes on newer debit cards.
TWG: Really?? Cuz I just got this thing a little while ago.
Cashier: Are you sure it doesn’t tap?
TWG: Ummmm… I. Don’t. Know. (I spot an vaguely familiar icon on the card) Hey look, the thingy!!
Cashier: Yeah, that’s probably where you tap it… Try it next time…
TWG: Okay – thanks!!!
I stopped understanding technology and I was never very good at it in the first place. This is the beginning to the end, folks, beginning to the end.


  1. Considering your job basically revolves around a delightful mixture of old and new technology, I'm kind of frightened for you.

  2. Ouch. I was beginning to panic about turner older myself (and in a depressing manner as well).

    And I have no idea what it means that a card can "tap." Does it need special shoes and some ragtime?


  3. Debit cards can "tap" to pay for stuff? Sounds like science fiction to me! Of course, I AM older than you too. :o)

  4. "Something is afoot at the Circle K," Bill S. Preston Esq.
    Hold on, you take the lack of knowledge about debit card technology as a sign of rapid aging? That's incredibly specific. Also, people don't just ask old people if they want a seat, some people are just nice and offer their seat to anyone standing, particularly to pretty ladies. Maybe give yourself the benefit of the doubt and assume people are offering you seats because you're a pretty lady.
    As someone slightly (half a year) older than you who also had to come to grips with being 34, I say, "screw it". It's something you don't have control over so why worry about it? Crows feet, wrinkles, knowledge, being less stupid (some people call it wisdom), increase in sexual skills, diminishing concern in dumb-ass pop culture nonsense, these are things that come with aging. Wear them with pride. You're not old. You may be considered old to teenagers, but teenagers are stupid, so who cares what they think.

  5. I grew up next to a Circle K. And I've been in IT for years and have no idea what a tapping card is. Based on that, I'm going to just go ahead and book my retirement home stay now with my Interthingy, as soon as my grandson teaches me how to turn on my Web Browser.

  6. You're not alone... I will also be turning 34 this year. I have heard of Circle K, though I don't think I've ever seen one (not even when I dated a Canadian woman 15yrs ago) Pretty sure my cards don't 'tap' either. Technology...oh boy I could be here for hours talking about how out of touch and overwhelmed I feel. If you have an apple product and/or a smart phone you're more technologically advanced than me. I don't even have an XBox!

    I'm feeling the signs of aging, too. Losing hair, gaining weight. Beginning of the end indeed.

    Nice to meet you TWG. I'm The Pedestrian Writer, if you'd like to say hello.

    p.s. if you do visit my blog please do not take offense at my canuck comment. That was directed toward rabid hockey hooligans only.

  7. Gorm - I hardly ever touch the technology anymore. The corporation knows better, that's the real reason I got promoted!

    Barb - I would totally love to see that!!

    Minxy - they can. It's weird. And a little scary.

    Pickleope - I can be irrationally specific. It's part of my charm. And probably my downfall.

    Beer - I hope the home has the interweb so you can keep doing your periodicals.

    Chris - I have an apple product but my phone is stupid and I do have a Wii... wow - thanks! You've made me feel like I'm totally with it. :)


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