Monday, January 6, 2014

Cuba 1.0

As you already know, I went to Cuba a few weeks back. It was great! This is what I looked at for 7 days:


White sand beach, clear blue-green water, 30 degree (Celcuis) weather, unlimited alcohol and enough shade (yay, palapas!) that I didn’t burn to a crisp. I can’t really ask for much else.

Like Mexico, my MO was pretty much the same: Operation – Drink Too Much. I do think I kept it together a bit more than in Mexico. Perhaps because there wasn’t any tequila involved or maybe because I’m getting better at it.

I arrived at the hotel around 8:30pm local time. Having left my house at 3am local time (Cuba is 3 hours ahead), you could say I had a pretty long day. My mission once I hit the hotel was: find room, find food, find booze.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - mission accomplished

The resort was very small, at least compared to the resort I stayed at in Mexico. There was only one outside bar open at night, naturally, I went there to have some drinks.

Travelling alone, you’re bound to meet some interesting characters. This trip was no exception. A couple tables over, there was a large group of mostly older folks. One of these folks was a 60-ish British fellow who was rather intoxicated. Randomly, he would stand up and yell. Loud.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - who let the dogs out

I found it amusing. The first night. By the third or fourth night, everyone had pretty much had it.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - who let the dogs out - no more

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - who let the dogs out - shut the fuck up

In that same group, there were a couple younger people. One of them was a 19 year old boy who was quickly adopted by a family that we met down there. He could almost always be found within arms reach of the two young kids. He’d play with them and take them swimming at the beach. All around, he was a good kid.

The other younger person, was a female of indiscernible age; she could have been 24 or 39. But, let me tell you, Trainwreck Sally was a sight to see. Every time I saw her, regardless of time of day, she was absolutely hammered. 3am? Sure, makes sense… So am I. 3pm? What? Already??

As someone who enjoys the sauce (and has trainwrecked through a week in Mexico once or twice), I’m hesitant to judge someone on this, but I will.

She did and said a lot of inappropriate things while under the influence, but the icing on the cake was one night when a bunch of us went to the disco to dance. She showed up after us because she kept getting distracted by things along the way. We’ve all been there. At least I have.

Her dancing was… interesting. It started out with her twirling around, arms spread open, face turned upwards. I was pretty sure she was going to fall down or throw up. She didn’t. Then her twirl-fest morphed into, what can only be described as, an interpretative/artistic dance.

I’m being very diplomatic; she basically rolled around on the floor. In a dress. And had no clue that what she was doing had any effect on what her dress was doing.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - flashing people by accident drunk

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a point where she rolled right off the stage. Sure the stage was only 4 inches off the ground and sure she seemed to work it into her “routine”, but I can guarantee it was not planned.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - not drunk enough for that bullshit

A girl I met down there agreed with me and she decided to say something to Sally that night.

ThatWhiteGirl - Cuba - flashing people by accident drunk - see vagina

Apparently Paulie came out the asshole in that conversation. The next day, Sally was going on about how someone was very rude to her the night before; they told her that she thinks with her vagina.

You could say she got the context wrong; all Paulie meant was that everyone in the club knew what Sally’s underwear looked like.

You could also say she got the person wrong; she thought I was the one who was brutally honest with her.


  1. Hold on, you're saying that when I do karaoke, I should NOT expose my genitals by rolling around on the ground? Huh. Well, there goes my routine.
    I'm very jealous of your trip to Cuba. At the very least for the opportunity to eat Cuban food. God I love Cuban food.

  2. Hearing an old British man shout 'Who let the dogs out?' sounds like something that should be on everyone's bucket list.

    Also, there's just no way to tell a woman you can see her vagina without her flipping out, even if you have the right intentions. And even if it's so visible that it's winking at you. I find the best course of action is just to try to ignore it.

  3. Cuba and elderly Britons. What's not to love?


  4. Pickleope - sorry, but someone had to tell you!

    Beer - you're right - I guess that girl was a little too honest about things.

    Barb - basically nothing... except for a bad 15 year old song being screamed repeatedly and then running through your head for a week. :)

  5. I'm just amazed that the 19 year old boy stayed safe if you were around.


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