Saturday, February 23, 2013

I wouldn’t survive in the wild

I live in a basement suite. It’s bitterly cold in winter. It’s blissfully cold in summer, but that’s a-ways away, so I’m going to focus on what I’m going through now instead.

I’ve lived here for several years and since I don’t have control over the heat, I purchased a shitty heater a few years ago. Since I purchased a shitty heater, it didn’t heat very well and I was really afraid of it burning my house down. Even when in the presence of a responsible adult. Or, at the very least, me.

Back in December, I bought an un-shitty heater. I reveled in the warmth. I looked forward to returning to my house because I knew it would warm up soon after turning my new heater on. Or it would already be warm, if I inadvertently left it on that morning. I became so used to the magic of heat, that I forgot what it was like to be cold.

The other night, after having a few (dozen) wobbly pops, I was sleeping (it off) but was over-heating so much that I opened my window a crack so I didn’t sweat through my bed.

A few days later, I came home from work, turned the knob on my heater and it didn’t turn on. I’ve been devastated ever since. I didn’t realize I’d become so spoiled, but it turns out that I’ve become the biggest pussy on the face of the planet because it’s not even that cold now (a balmy 8`C; 46F).

The first night I went to bed, in my cold house, and tried to sleep, in my cold bed, my feet were so frozen it took almost an hour of breathing into my blanket to warm up enough to fall asleep. I was convinced I left my window open from my drunken slumber several night’s prior. Alas, no. I was just that cold.

Since then, every morning, I lie in bed as long as possible just so I don’t have to expose my body to the cold air. I immediately jump in the shower and as soon as I get out, I jump back into bed. I dress in record time and sometimes, pre-heat my clothes in my bed with me so that they’re warm when I put them on. Sometimes I dress under my blankets so that my skin never feels anything but warm air and warm clothes.

And as I type this, I have blankets on my lap (and up to my chest) and have decided that a Snuggie isn’t such a bad thing. Because my arms are fricken freezing!

I don’t have the creative juice (a.k.a. blood flow to the brain) to come up with picture ideas, let alone draw them.

But, I do have 90 days to return the heater AND I still have the receipt, so I’ll be taking that bad boy back for an exchange.


  1. I'm going to give you some credit because I am so fearful of those portable heaters that I would never ever use one. Based on that alone, I would be you have what it takes to survive in the wild. Chopping down trees and starting a fire surely would be a easy after braving a portable heater!!

  2. I know you're practically setting me up to say this, but I'm saying it anyway:

    Summer will be here before you know it.

  3. Heather - you might be onto something... :)

    Gorm - I was going to throw that into the post, but thought I'd leave it there for you! You're welcome. :)


Wanna brighten That White Girl's day? Leave a comment - they make me happy!